August 29

August comes to a close. That means the end of the Amylynn Birthday Month Celebration. Really, that’s alright. By the end of the month everyone is tired of hearing about it anyway.  It’s all good because Christmas is around the corner. Can you believe that? Christmas?! Where does the time go? We’re pretty sure that Bank of No Forks has been putting something in the water to keep us sedated. Or it’s the asbestos. Is that a side effect of asbestos? Conditioning you to think time is passing too fast? Now we’re

Teddy!

all suspicious. This is alarming. Thank God there’s a long weekend for us to get our senses back.

1. Ain’t no mountain high enough. An angel was driving down a long stretch of highway and stopped because he thought he saw a dead dog on the side. But NO! It was a baby bear! He rescued the little dude because he couldn’t find his momma. He called every single rescue company in his area and they were all too full. He ended up driving pretty far to get him to a safe home. It turns out the little dude had a broken leg but was otherwise healthy. We’re very impressed at his dedication. You know if that was us, we’d have jumped up and down on the highway because now we owned a baby bear. A bear with a limp. Whom we would name Ted and call him Theodore when he gets in trouble.

2. No Gnomes Known. We can’t explain why they use garden gnomes but the Socialist Party placed about 400 gnomes about 3 yards off the ground on lamp posts in Vienna.  Unfortunately for them, they were stolen.  Blame has been placed on the People’s Party who deny all involvement.  We don’t really care about the theft beyond wondering what the criminals are planning on doing with those gnomes.  Will they replace them all over Vienna?  Will all 400 be placed together like the terra cotta warriors?  Terra cotta is used to make flower pots, right?  So garden gnomes are almost exactly like, but different than, the terra cotta warriors, right?

3. Am I Blue?   A father daughter duo in Maine caught a super rare blue lobster.  We don’t normally think of lobsters as cute but this one looks like a Webkins.  You,ve all heard a one carat diamond is one in a million but it seems blue lobsters are one in two million!  We smell a new engagement trend.

4. Thank Zeus it’s not carbonated. So you know there was that earthquake in the San Francisco area. Actually, it seems that it was more centered in the Napa Valley area. This is troublesome because the wine was jiggled about. Look at this picture! Look at it! Oh the humanity! We’re putting together a very specialized disaster aid group. We’re looking for donations of drinking straws and crackers. Don’t worry, Napa, we’re coming!

5. The Office. We’ve been watching The Office while we wait for more Dexters to come from Netflix. Some of the girls did not know of the glories of Michael and Dwight Shrute. They didn’t know they needed to be rooting for Jim. The episode where Michael burns his foot on his George Foreman Grill and Dwight races over to get him, crashing his car into a pole and giving himself a concussion is one of the funniest episodes ever. We laughed until we couldn’t breath anymore. Also–best theme song ever. Except for Rockford Files. That’s the best theme song, but The Office music is pretty good.