October 31

Happy Halloween! We wanted to think of the scariest things we could to give you a good fright today, but instead we got it ourselves. Neither Carly nor Dave participated in the car process this morning. Apparently, they’re not interested in being vehicles at this time. That whole concept of conveying their owner to school or work was inconvenient for them. Well we taught them. We caught them on fire and drove them into a ditch then dropped an anvil on their hoods and had them stolen for parts. None of that was especially funny regardless of how much we cackled. Maybe you’ll find this stuff funny.

1. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck. A military veteran has been fined $50 and court costs because he kept some ducks at his house. He explained that the ducks make him feel better and relieve his stress. But West Lafayette, Ohio won’t let him keep his ducks. They’re just mean. We know exactly how you feel Darin Welker. They won’t let us keep our cat in the office either. We think it’s because they don’t want us to be happy. Mr. Welker, if you’re interested in moving to our town, we’d keep your ducks in our yard for you.

2. Bucket list. One of the items on Ava’s bucket list is to go see a real life lava flow. Our attention has been drawn to Pahoa, Hawaii. The lava is flowing big time over there. The National Guard has been deployed to the rural Hawaii town to provide security. We suspect that’s for people like us. People who want to touch the lava. People who are pretty sure the pylons and keep out signs don’t pertain to us. We’re just sayin’ you should keep an eye on the news because if we can make it to Pahoa we’re crossing the hazard lines.

3. Totally doing it wrong. We’re pretty sure we’re living our lives totally wrong. That whole Protestant work ethic is not paying off in the long run. We’ve gone to work every day since FOREVER and now we’re getting laid off. See how that’s not conducive to making us wanna participate? Other people are doing a much better job at this. For example, Japan’s Crown Princess Masako withdrew from official duties twelve years ago when she developed a stress related illness. We would love a stress related illness that would allow us not to speak to anyone for twelve years.

4. Bouffon. That’s French for clown. We bring this up because a French town has banned clown costumes – especially on Halloween. Wait just a damn minute. Are you saying people are running around France in clown costumes? Apparently it’s true. Don’t you think that’s awful? We whole heartedly support the ban on clowns, costumed or otherwise. Especially if they’re running around with the sole purpose of scaring the living crap out of people. We wouldn’t try that with us. You come up to us in a clown costume with the intent of scaring us and we’ll kick your ass.

5. Witchy brew. Timely and speaking for it’s self.