I’m telling you if one of them uses “Rad” I’ll scream

I was at Target this weekend. I’m sure you’re not shocked. One weekend I tried not to go to Target, but by 6pm on Sunday, the manager called me to make sure I was ok.

Anyway, I was there this weekend taking care of my Valentine’s obligations. I wandered by the book section, because of course I did. Right there, begging to be noticed, was the latest by Bill Bryson. I have been a huge fan of Bill’s for a really long time. I found him by accident with A Walk in the Woods. It immediately became one of my favorite books of all time, and that’s saying something because I’ve read A LOT of books. I’ve made so many people read it and they’re never sorry.

I was very excited to see The Road to Little Dribbling was coming. I had it in my calendar on its release day, but Ava and I were too busy to get to the Church and pick up a copy.

I tossed it in my cart with glee. I might seriously have a problem with books. I’m just saying. Even I recognize that it’s a problem. Still, I can’t stop myself.

I got to the front of the store and found a likely line. The second I got to the front, the cashier decided to get chatty.

“Hey!” He was super excited. “How are you today?”

I didn’t want to chat with someone I didn’t know, someone weird. I was not in the mood for new friends.

“I’m fine.” Short to the point. Dig around in my purse and avoid eye contact.

“You’ve got to be better than fine. You have a Bill Bryson book. You’re great.”

I turned to look at him. He was young-ish, but he had that kind of face that made it difficult to place. Besides, I’m not good at guessing ages. He had one of those uber-sculpted beards and wore a red flannel. I glanced down at his name tag. His name was Wolf. Seriously. As in the wild animal. Wolf.

“You know Bill Bryson?” I asked, my tone skeptical.

“I love him.” The kid’s eyes grew big. Imagine Wolf with big eyes and a beard. “Senior year, in math, we didn’t do anything–” Explains why he’s working at Target and not in an Ivy League school. “My friends and I found A Walk in the Woods in the library and we read it allowed to each other. He is just wrong in so many ways, it’s just right.”

“Um hmm.” I took my bag of chocolate and dropped it in the cart. “I’ve read all his books.”

“Me too!” Wolf’s eyes got even bigger – all the better to read you with, my dear. “So wrong!” He repeated that manta of Bill being wrong a number of times. I remember this slang. It was around when I was his age, but I don’t get how it relates in this situation. An example of how it would be used correctly is: My buying a Bill Bryson book even after admitting publicly that I have a serious book addiction is so wrong it’s right.

If over-exuberant animal named whippersnappers want to co-op our slang, they should use it correctly.

PS – I love you Bill Bryson.