It’s all in the raspy purr

I found this on line today and I love it.  This is the sort of stuff I gravitate to.  I love lists.

This list praises the best voices in Hollywood.  What I really like is they didn’t pick the most obvious people.  I mean really, if you can’t recognize James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman then you’ve been living in a vacuum.  Instead, this list chooses less likely, but no less known, voices.  See if you don’t agree.

The Oracle

“This is the old sage, the gentle authoritarian, the kung fu master, the wise grandfather or God.  He can boom omnisciently when he needs to but generally he gives off solid comfort and warmth.”  The list makers chose Liam Neeson as the forerunner saying, “His vocal performances offers the perfect combination of warm, Jesus-like assurance and moral certainty with the power to roar if the forces of evil rise.”  They also included James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman, Patrick Stewart and Anthony Hopkins in this list.

The Man’s Man

“He’s confident, traditionally masculine and his voice is there to remind you that he’s got it all under control.  It scratches but doesn’t growl.  He doesn’t have to yell, but he can menace you easily just by getting a little stern and maybe dropping a register.”  This one they give to George Clooney.  As far as I’m concerned, they can give anything they want to Clooney .  I’m available after Saturday night.  They also include Edward James Olmos, Sean Connery, Alex Baldwin and Patrick Warburton (!!).  Any list that includes Warburton is good by me. 

The Ruler of the Manor

This voice is precise.  It is correct.  It is to be respected.  It’s the reason you want chocolate-covered biscuits with your afternoon tea.  This one is Judi Dench.  And man, do I love Dench. (Maybe we can get Kelli to tell us of the flight she took sitting next to Dame Judi.)  I love their description of her: Dench is masterful in this regard.  If something is “just not done,” she will tell you about it first with a glance, then by clearing her throat and, finally, because you are too dense to have noticed the first and second warning, she will speak.  And you will change your ways.  Also listed, Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Ian McKellen, Emma Thompson, all British actors of a certain age.

The Chicken Fried Steak with Biscuits

This voice is like the Man’s Man but Southern.  It’s a touch voice to pull off when the actor isn’t genuinely from the southern half of the country.  This one goes, without a doubt, to Sam Elliott.  And how!  Only he’s from Sacramento and raised in the Pacific Northwest.  But his register is so low and smooth.  “You laugh in that man’s face and he’s likely to pull out a shotgun he’s managed to hid somewhere on his body.”

The Funny Wierdo

It’s a gruff growl that no one is scared of, a comically grumpy woodland creature with a thorn in its paw.  Seth Rogan matches this exactly.  As does Paul Reubens, Christopher Walken & Wanda Sykes.

The Temptress

She’s sheer sex, and she sounds like bourbon-soaked cashmere.  She might have a husky smoker’s throat, or a “Maxim” cover babydoll pout, she might be a wealthy socialite having an affair with the gardener or she might be a straight-up scary maneater.  But she’s getting what she wants and you know it just by the way she asks you to pass the salt.  This was rests with Scarlett Johansson.  Also included, Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Tilda Swinton and Helen Mirren – just to prove you don’t have to be twenty years old to have that voice.