Specifically “Magenta Madness”

I was so looking forward to popcorn and Red Vines for lunch. Alas, it was not to be.

His father sent the Bandit into his room to do the last bit of clean up on his room and then we were going to go see Cars 2.  We were all looking forward to it.  Do you suppose the boy went right in there and proceeded to clean up his room or do you suppose he got into mischief? Knowing the Bandit, what do you think happened?

Twenty-five minutes into his allotted half hour, it was discovered The Bandit used his time unwisely. What he did had nothing whatsoever with cleaning his room.  In fact, he wasn’t even in his room. Even now, hours later, I can’t believe the fruits of his labor. 

He painted the bathroom with magenta nail polish – specifically Sassy’s magenta nail polish.

He painted this feet and shins, the toilet, the sink, the floor, the door stopper, the bathtub, the newly speckled bathmat, the wall and, most significantly, the tile and grout. Nail polish remover easily removed the color from every surface except the material of the bathmat and the grout.  Nothing will remove it from the grout except perhaps a sand blaster.  I scrubbed and scrubbed with a toothbrush and liberal amounts of acetone and managed to make it fainter, but it’s still there.  While his father ranted and raved and Sassy gnashed her teeth, I thought at least I had my Sunday night blog post covered.

The movie was canceled, obviously. The boy was sent to his room where he screamed at the top of his lungs for a protracted amount of time at the injustice of not seeing his movie.  His sister cried for some time at the unfairness of having lost an entire bottle of nail polish.  I cried because I wasn’t getting Red Vines.  No one was happy.

I don’t know why I bothered to ask the boy why, but both his father and I did anyway.  I don’t know what we were expecting his answer to be.  When I asked him specifically what he thought was going to happen when his transgression was discovered, of course he said, “I don’t know.” He didn’t know why it seemed like a good idea. He didn’t know what possessed him. He didn’t think about what his father and I would say.

His grandmother commented that it would have been nice if he could have chosen a nice blue or brown if he planned to do some remodeling as it would have matched the existing decor.  She was not helpful.  Especially when I could hear the laugh under her voice. I know she’s just happy that I have the same joys of parenthood she enjoyed.

This is so obviously a boy thing.  His sister never did insane things like this. I never did them, either. My brother on the other hand, was a nightmare. I suspect this is a boy thing. What the hell is wrong with boys? Are they always this stupid? Kelli says, “Yes. Yes they are.” I shrug. 

When I put him to bed tonight, after the yelling and screaming and scrubbing was over, I asked again why he did it.  He still didn’t know.  However, when I asked him if he would ever do it again, there was no hesitation when he told me no.

Did I believe him.  Absolutely not.  I’m not a complete idiot.