Stupid selfish economy

Would you like to know the real tragedy with the economy today?  You might think unemployment or the staggering foreclosure rate or the obscene gas prices. These things are all bad and I’m not so full of hubris as to try to convince you otherwise.  But I do think we’d all agree that these things are made more tolerable with humor.

The tragedy of this economy, at least as it effects me today, is that it is seriously curtailing my ability to pull off practical jokes. 

This is what his ghost looks like, I'm positive. What other incarnation would he have chosen? Fat Elvis? Please.

As you know, Ava is in Tennessee this week with her family.  Tomorrow they arrive in Memphis where they are staying at the Heartbreak Hotel at Graceland.  Ava offhandedly pointed out to me last week that the hotel and Graceland are supposed to be haunted by the ghost of Elvis. Well my ghost hunting didn’t work out all that well, but that doesn’t mean I want to give up entirely.

So I decided the truly hysterical thing to do would be to FedEx her the special pickle jar right to the hotel.  I pictured her family gathered around the reception desk and the clerk handing over the overnight box.  I’m certain Ava would start giggling as soon as she saw the return address from Quill Sisters Ghost Hunting Inc. That’s what Kelli and I decided would be the funniest thing.  I imagined her pulling the Costco size pickle jar out of the box, packing peanuts tumbling out along with it to fall on the floor and counter. Kelli and I decided stuffing it with Hostess items would entice Elvis to come out of his ghostly hiding.  My Honey tells me The King loved those nasty pink Snoballs so I was going to cram some of those in there with the Twinkies and Cupcakes. I have no idea how My Honey knew this about Elvis but I’m not inclined to question him about it any more than he questions me about movie trivia.

The biggest draw of sending the Ghost Trapping Pickle Jar to the hotel, besides how much I knew Ava would think it was funny, was how much it would just drive her husband, Ed, crazy. I could hear him already, “What’s wrong with her?” And her girl and boy would probably be embarrassed by the stupidity of it.

As far as I'm concerned, Elvis can have all of these

I giggled just like Betty Rubble everytime I thought of it.

Unfortunately, no matter how funny it was going to be, I couldn’t justify spending 35.00 or 40.00 just to overnight the jar, not to mention the 10.00 or 15.00 it would take to pack the jar with bait.

There was a time, not so long ago, when I wouldn’t have even hesitated to pull off this joke.  In the good old days, I would have sent it Priority Over Night stuffed full of yummy, fattening, King of Rock and Roll seducing treats and waited by my phone for Ed’s irritated text.  The one from Ava would simply read, “Nose Coffee.”  That’s Quill Sister shorthand whichmeans whatever you just texted made the recipient snort hard enough that coffee came out their nose.

Then think of the hysterical blog post I could write you people about that adventure. Don’t you see how this economy is ruining it for everyone? Who do we contact about this? The White House? Ben Bernanke? I think we should start a letter writing campaign or something. Anthony Weiner isn’t up to anything right now.  Maybe he could spearhead this endeavor.  He’s just perfect for the task.  Think of all the Weiner jokes.  I promise they’d be better than that last “spearhead” joke.