I’d have rather been buying tampons

My Pop came and spent the weekend. He’s always fun to have around and the kids dig him. As you may recall, he had a stroke a couple of years ago and it left him very changed, though he’s just as goofy as he always was.

You want an example of goofy?

We had to run a couple of quick errands on Sunday and he didn’t want to go out in the heat, so he stayed at the house with the dogs. I called him after a bit to see if he needed anything from the store before we came home.

“Hi,” I said into the phone. “It’s me.”

“Hello,” he said into the phone.

“You want anything from the store?”

“Hello,” he repeated.

“Hi. Can you hear me?”

“Hello,” he said for the third time. “Are you there?”

“HI,” I yelled this time. “Can you hear me?”

“I can’t hear you,” he informed me needlessly.

“Hel-lo” I said it this time like the Queen of England because he can’t hear me so why the hell not?

“Oh, wait.” Shuffle shuffle shuffle. “I had the phone upside down.”

I love these phone conversations. The really hysterical thing is though, this conversation could have just as easily happened twenty years ago.

So on his way home, he asked me to stop at Walgreens. He’d had some complications from prostrate cancer from several years ago and recently underwent another surgery. Everything is good now, but he uses catheters and he needed some lubricant. Walgreens and the accompanying pharmacist seemed like just what we needed.

We wandered to the back of the store to the very back where they hide the pharmacy – always in the waaaaaay back. The pharmacist on duty was a teeny tiny little old lady with big spectacles. My father is loud. He’s always been loud.

He announced to the lady what he was looking for only he had no name of any product. She looked to me for help but I was less than useless and shook my head. My father rambled on and I quickly assessed that the two of them weren’t getting anywhere.

I got my brother on the phone. “Hey, what’s the name of the lubricant Pop uses for the catheters?……oh……thanks.” I turned and grabbed my father by the arm. “Come on. I know what we need.”

I got what he needed off the shelf, on sale I might add, and led him to the front of the store. The freaking line was enormous don’t you know. Still, we waited and waited and waited.

Finally it was our turn and my 74-year-old father plopped his bottle of KY Jelly and a Snickers bar right on the counter.

 Come on, I believe we all have a story like this. If that’s not true and I’m the only one with these stories, I don’t know if I can go on. Tell me yours. Did your kid embarass you or are the the one embarassing your children. Of course, his was totally unintentional and that’s what makes it so much funnier. Tell me your clueless story.