Taking enrollment in our Scared Straight program

I’m not exactly sure what the hell the universe has against my family enjoying a three-day weekend but, honest to Zeus, every time we look forward to relaxing for three whole days, some homeowner nightmare happens.

This time it all started Wednesday evening because I kept yelling at my kids to quit getting water all over the bathroom floor. I sopped it

Less than a week ago this was my pantry

all up from the floor but when we were done with dinner the water was back. I cleaned it up again and ran my fingers around the toilet tank hoping to find water leaking, but no. Later in the evening, I mopped it up again. I sat on the floor and cleared everything out from under the sink. While there was no water in the cabinet, I thought the wall seemed damp. My Honey came and looked. He even pulled the panels off our Jacuzzi tub and, LO, there was an inch of water underneath.

Groan.

Thursday after work, My Honey started tracking down where the water was coming from. Out came the wall behind the vanity.   Crap, crap, crappity crap. High up on the wall, a pipe was leaking, dripping water down the wall and floating down hill towards the bathtub where it seeped out along grout lines.  I tell you all the mundane bullshit of the latest saga so that I can get to the good parts.

Saturday, my brother the plumber came over and decided we need all new pipes. BAH! If were going to get new plumbing, we need a new hot water heater. If we’re putting in all new plumbing, we might as well plumb for air conditioning.

I’ve been checking on both Ebay and Craig’s List for someone looking for a kidney or perhaps a bit of my liver. I’d be willing to trade for

Hall ceiling to the laundry room

funds. I’m not selling my body parts, you understand. I’m trading them for green rectangles with presidents on them. In case the FBI should inquire with you.

Now take a look at my house. My Honey spent one day ripping out the walls and ceiling of the pantry which shares a wall with the bathroom and the ceiling in the laundry room hall in preparation for the retrofit. The items from the bathroom are now all down the bedroom hall. All the items from the pantry finally moved from covering the every flat space in the kitchen to the family room.

This morning, on their free day off, My Honey and The Bandit got up early and dug a trench to expose the plumbing from the main water line.

“Tell Momma what you learned today,” My Honey suggested to Stevie later today.

“I don’t wanna be a trench digger.” My boy shook his head with a great deal of feeling.

My Honey urged him on. “What does that mean?”

“I’m going to go to college.”

My Honey turned to me, “You’re welcome.”