October 5

Sigh. Do you remember that song Lonesome George the Bassett by Tom T. Hall? I’ll forgive you if you don’t. It was from a kid’s album in the ‘70’s, but it was a great song about a lonely basset hound. Ultimately, the puppy finds his fame and fortune with Johnny Cash and the Grand Ole Opry. That has not been my experience so far at least as far as the lack of fame and/or fortune, but I am definitely lonely. Sigh. Ava comes home this weekend and I’m dying to hear about her trip. I don’t have any one to send stupid texts to either with Kelli so busy. Sigh. I did manage to find five things though.

1. Ridiculously cold – elsewhere. I talked to my bestie in Alaska and he informed me that it was 27 degrees there on Monday morning and snowing. I didn’t believe him. How is that possible when it was 101 degrees here that day? Either way, both are absurd temperatures to have on October 1^st. I’m not going to participate in any of this nonsense. Just nevermind. I’m not going outside anymore.
2. Daniel Craig. I’m not sure how I can spin this into good news. What I’m going to tell you is awful, just awful. I read the promo snippet of his interview with Vanity Fair coinciding with the publicity push for the next James Bond film and the anniversary of the 50^thanniversary of the James Bond series. He says that he has given up skinny dipping. **GASP** I don’t know about you but I’m not sure I want to live in a world that is both too hot and too cold AND doesn’t have a skinny dipping Daniel Craig. He claims that he’s too famous for skinny dipping anymore. That too many people have cameras with them all the time and he’s loathe to see his naked butt on the tabloids. I, for one, would be just delighted to see a naked Craig tushie just about anywhere. It’s a sad, sad day.
   

   I’ve always wondered, do they reuse these coolers for picnics? Eww!

3. Possession of an alligator. So a couple in NYC were busted for a whole bunch of bad stuff like possession of illegal handguns and drugs. Also an alligator. Yes, an alligator. Apparently, harboring an alligator is illegal in the fine state of New York. I’ll freely admit that I’ve never been to NYC, a deficiency I’d really love to correct one of these days, but I am familiar with the stereotypical joke about the dinky size of NYC apartments. I’d like to know where, in one of these wee little abodes exactly, one would harbor a three and a half foot alligator. I’m certain the police were quite astonished. I’ll suspect the owners
   

   Maybe this is who we should be for Halloween

   rarely had housebreakers, though. Also, the police found a pair of brass knuckles. I’d rather take a hit from the knuckles than a chomp on the leg from the gator.

4. ABBA.When I read this story I laughed and laughed and laughed. ABBA is getting their very own museum in Sweden. That, in itself, is not why I laughed. That isn’t particualrly funny. Hold on, I’m getting to the good part. Now, I realize that many, many people love ABBA. They must have a huge audience somewhere because they’ve sold 400 million albums worldwide, and they have their very own Broadway musical turned into a movie with Merle Streep for Zeus’ sake. The thing is though, Ava hates them. She is certain that ABBA’s very existence is proof that the world is ending. Really. So as soon as I read about the museum opening up in Stockholm, I investigated how much the plane tickets would cost. I’m going to make her to go
   

   God save the syrup!

   and we’re going in costume. Oh, yes, this is happening. WATERLOO!

5. The found the maple syrup. Remember when I told you about the shocking theft of 30 million dollars in stolen maple syrup? I still can’t get over that. Let me put it another way. There were 16,000 barrels stolen, 720,000 gallons of syrup, and THEY BARELY NOTICED. Never fear, they found it. A massive police investigation was mounted. (I fear that joke my go unnoticed so I’m going to do the unforgivable and point it out. Mounted. Like the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The Mounties. I am so ashamed of myself. At least I didn’t make the sticky situation joke. That’s something.) The Canadian authorities are taking it back to the syrup reserve under police guard. The panic is over. In the mornin’, I’m makin waffles.