NEW RELEASES
The point system
This was sent by one of the authors in the writer’s group in which the Quill Sister’s belong. I’ve seen it before, but I thought I’d post it with a few comments as pertains to the Sisters. I’ve made comments in red.
The Female Demerit System
(To be posted on refrigerator door)
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) And a cat. There’s probably a cat under there too.You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)But return with Beer (-5)
You make the bed (+1)You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) And a cat. There’s probably a cat under there too.You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-20) Should this happen we suggest you just get the car and leave
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80) See if she’ll give you a ride home, too.
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3) All you can eat dessert? That would be fine.
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop’ (-3) We might consider this one. Who’s in it?
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15) Is this going to try to make us cry? If so, we’re totally out.
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000) Now it doesn’t matter how many points you have because you’re dead.
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what) OMG – this is so true. Sorry to say, but it is.
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000) Which explains why you haven’t said anything stupid in the last 30 minutes.
How many points would a man get for retrieving the lawn furniture that had been blown into the swimming pool this week by the wicked winds? Because I had to do it my freaking self. I think it’s an automatic deduction for me, since I did it myself without finding a man to do it.