December 21

Christmas is so close – you can smell it. The aroma of cookies and peppermint wafts in the air. A hint of reindeer poo hangs around on the fringes. We hope you have all the stuff done you need done because you only want to go to the mall this weekend if you have a death wish. Or perhaps you have  a deep desire for incarceration because that’s what you’re setting yourself up for before you even get out of the parking lot. Besides, it’s cold out there. There’s wind. Remember, we don’t do wind. Actually, we might consider doing a bit of a breeze if we were wearing the outfit from #1 below. Get yourself some nog and a cookie – if the Quill Sister of your choice hasn’t already eaten them all – and find something to chortle about.

1. Coziness. We’d consider moving to the frozen tundra if we got to wear this. This kid is adorable and we’ll bet with the exception of his wind burned cheeks, he’s nice and warm. We’re also going to assume he’s not the least bit smelly. That can sometimes happen with fur, you know. We know for certain we wouldn’t smell if we wore this. Fresh as daisies on the Siberian plains we’d be. We’re wondering, if we buy two of these do we get a discount on a yak? We’d like a yak to park by our yurt. It’s possible we’ve had too much sugar.

2. Hasbro. We’re so proud of Hasbro for stepping up to the plate in designing an Easy Bake Oven for boys. If you’re unfamiliar with the story then we suggest you move back to the States cause this story was everywhere. Outer Mongolia might have fur snowsuits but the Wall Street Journal doesn’t deliver there. Anyway, a wonderful sister wanted to get her brother this toy but she could only find it in very girly colors. She appealed to Hasbro, the manufacturer of the Oven, and with the support of several famous male chefs including Bobby Flay, Hasbro will be putting out a silver and gray oven next year. Yea! We love to get ourselves riled up for injustices – no matter how small. Or tasty. However, in this case possibly the morsels in question will most likely be half raw, half burned globs of unidentifiable dough decorated with sprinkles.

3. Incredibly apt bumper stickers. Just the other day, Ava saw this bumper sticker: Queen of Everything. We believe we deserve stickers that say that as well. We might not know everything, but believe us when we tell you we certainly have an opinion about it.

4. Oreos at the end of the world. We didn’t start writing this blog until way after 11:11 today – just in case we didn’t have to write it at all. That would have been a damn waste of time had we all died with an unpublished blog sitting out there. Anyway, we’re still here. Nabisco hasn’t gone the way of Hostess so the End-of-The-World forecasters can drown their sorrows. Wouldn’t it be funny

This is a very cute dog, but it’s not a sheep

if the Mayans were off by a day and tomorrow is really the end of the world? Like if maybe they let the Chief’s son do some of the calculations even though they knew he was a total putz and he jacked it up by one day. It sounds like the basis for a great Saturday Night Live skit. Get Loren Michaels on the phone.

5. Goldendoodle Sheep. There is a church in town who does a live Nativity complete with a donkey named Jasmine – which by the way we think is a terrible name for a donkey unless that donkey is a stripper or a sultan’s daughter. After we liberate that poor animal, we’re changing her name. Polly is a good name for a donkey. ANYWAY… They added a goldendoodle (golden retriever and  poodle mix) to the manger scene. Wait, you say, where the hell did a poodle fit into the Nativity? It’s substituting for a sheep. Yes a sheep. You’re giggling now aren’t you? We did when we read the story. Do they really expect us to believe they couldn’t get their hands on a real WHITE poodle? Or a sheep for crying out loud? Great, now we’re going to have to liberate a mis-named donkey AND a goldendoodle with an identity crisis. We just hope they get along with the yak.