I’m the Aunt who always has gum in her purse that you didn’t have to make from scratch.

A lot of people complain that their families are crazy. Mine isn’t crazy, necessarily, but it is full of characters.

I haven’t talked about my brother much. I think now is the time.

His daughter is turning seven tomorrow. I called to chat him up for ideas on what to get my niece.

“You wanna know what I’m getting her,” he asked. He sounded very excited about it.

“Sure,” I said. He’s made some pretty cool stuff for his kids so this has every chance of being awesome.

“A cheese making kit.”

“What?” I say, thinking I can’t possibly have heard him correctly.

“A cheese making kit,” he repeated.

“What the fu…” I crinkled up my forehead, pulled my phone away from my face, and stared at it.

“She likes cheese.” He said this like he fully expected me to buy into this oddness because the kid likes cheese. We all like cheese but I don’t wanna make it. I sure as hell didn’t want to make it when I was SEVEN. I make my cheese at the store wrapped in wax and plastic because I’m not French. He must have gleaned something from my silence. “When I asked her if she wanted a cheese making kit her eyes lit up and she said, ‘You can make cheese?'”

“Alright,” I said in that tone of voice that implies you think the other person is a complete idiot but they seem hell-bent on their mission so they should carry on. “What should I get her?”

“You know, she really wants a wishing well. Get her one of those.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I screeched. “Where the hell am I gonna get a wishing well?” In one day no less.

“I don’t know,” he said and now he was sounding like I am the whack-a-loon. “I’m just telling you what she wants.”

Well she can wish for normal presents from her father. I got her Hello Kitty cause I’m not a crazy aunt.