NEW RELEASES
In Our Humble Opinion . . . waiting until “just the right moment” to do something means you’re probably not planning on doing it all.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . restaurants need to stop with the auxillary menus already, we’re there to eat not read a book.
In Our Humble Opinion…if you can correctly spell Albuquerque you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere in your life.
Now That’s Entertainment.
I, Kelli Daymor, will be at the Tucson Festival of Books this year as a speaker! I am so excited, even though the thought of saying anything at all in front of a group of people makes me unbelievably nauseous. I mean really.
Which is why, absolutely why, you must all come to my talk, “Judging a Book by it’s Cover” featuring the ever blushing me and the fabulous author Diana Ballew.
We have worked tirelessly to shape a presentation not to be forgotten. There will be learning. There will be laughter. There will be me, turning redder than you can imagine. And thus, more laughter. And the other Quill Sisters will be there too. So even MORE laughter is on the agenda.
The big event (my talk, that is) will be Sunday March 11th at 1pm in the Koffler building, room 216. Come on down, grab a schedule, grab a map, and hang out with us for an hour. You won’t regret it!
More questions than answers
Do you remember when we wrote that hard-hitting opinion piece about the feet washing up in Washington 
and Vancouver? Go read it. I’ll wait.
They think they’ve solved the mystery. The coroner says the feet come from suicide victims who jump off the bridge over Vancouver’s Fraser River.
Yeah, I don’t think this answers anything.
Why only feet? Where the hell are the rest of the body parts? Are they constantly pulling out dead bodies with no feet because that never seems to come up.
I am also intrigued by the line, “most of the feet belonged…” Are you telling me there are still unclaimed feet?
Is this bridge a destination spot for suicide victims? Perhaps they need to station someone there to talk these people out of it. Or at the very least tape their feet to their legs before they leap.
Maybe if they were informed that they’d have no feet in the afterlife they’d rethink the whole thing.
In Our Humble Opinion…there are nowhere near enough M&Ms in trail mix.
In Our Humble Opinion…If the name of your business is “Kinkos” you should have a sense of humor.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . the calendar might say boots but our feet say sandals.
Megan from Bridesmaids only got like six of ’em
The headline read “112 Slovakian puppies survive truck crash”. This brought
PUPPY!
up a couple of questions.
Question: How many puppies started this journey? Answer: 113. Only one died and seven sustained “light” injuries according to Ludwigshafen police.
Q: What is a Ludwigshafen? A: I have no idea, but try to say it five times fast. Too hard? Try to say it once. I can’t either. It sort of sounds like your shaving a wig, huh?
oh. my. god. PUPPY
Q. Puppies! A. Rhetorical question.
Q. What kind of puppies? A. Those wigged police described them as “various”. Well actually, they probably said, “verschiedene” if they spoke German, “rôzny” if they spoke Slovakian, and “različnih” if it was Slovenian. I try to be thorough when reporting important puppy news.
Q. Why shove 113 puppies in a truck? A. The little
pssst... go get in my car.
cuties were off to be sold in Germany and Belgium. If you want a puppy in Belgium you need to practice this phrase, “Je voudrais un chiot super mignon, s’il vous plaît.” Does anyone else find it disturbing that the word “mignon” is in that phrase? I always associate that word with a rare piece of steak. Once again I’m here to help. “Mignon” actually means “cute”. So, class, that means you’ve been ordering a “cute piece of meat”. I wonder if that also works with firemen and hockey players?
Q.How many puppies would you have absconded with
Come on! This isn't even fair.
if you happened along that stretch of highway after that accident and you encountered 112 mignon puppies running around? A. As many as I could have loaded in my car before someone became suspicious. I’m quite confident that number would have been upwards of ten or more.
Q. How angry would My Honey have been if I showed up at home with ten or more puppies? A. I’m not answering that question. I refuse to ask him because it’s always easier to beg forgiveness. You never know what you might encounter out there that needs to be rescued. Ahem.
March 2
So how are you all doing out there? We never hear from you. You never write. Dashing off a little hello once in a while keeps your dedicated blogger from crying into their frosting every long, lonely night. As busy as it is, you wouldn’t think the internet was such a lonely place. We have amassed five amusing things for you to comment on just to prove to us that you care. Ready, set, go….
- Elephants. There has been quite a dust up in town about the
- Mabu & Lungile – the new neighbors
elephant situation at the zoo. We don’t want to get into that – murky waters and all – but we are excited because the new herd of elephants are starting to arrive. With babies! Oh dear, we really hate to fall in love with some other baby animal we’re going to want to “liberate” and keep in our back yards. Unfortunately, Amylynn is totally ahead of the curve here. We suspect kidnapping a baby elephant and getting it on an airplane may be slightly more difficult than our plans for the panda bear. We’re going to try a different route with the elephant. Dear Tanzania, Please send 1 extra small baby elephant for us to love and cuddle
- “…itty, bitty living space”
and name Betty. Sincerely, The Quill Sisters.
- Genie Wishes. This has long been a game with the Sisters. If you found a genie lamp and an actual genie popped out to give you three wishes, what would you wish for? Amylynn wants a bottomless wallet and the health and body she had when she was 22. Ava wants to write like a world class author. Kelli would probably waste at least one of her wishes on camping or some icky outdoor bullshit like that. There is one thing for sure, though, and that is whatever you wish for you better be specific. Wish wisely, people. One thing we’ve learned from The Twilight Zone
and Saturday morning Scooby-Doo cartoons, you don’t want to leave the genie any loopholes. And they say we wasted our youth with television. **Snort** - Leap year. You know what the best thing is about leap year? The absolutely insanely complicated math involved. It’s not so simple as every four years, you know. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s every year divisible by four but not by 100 unless it’s divisibly by 400. And any year where the moon sits at longitude 77 degrees 30’W for 12 hours or there are more than four high tides in February. Alright so we made
that last part up, but still, it’s a fun day. - Crazy people. We do love us some crazies. Well, we love them so long as they stay back 500 feet as required by the restraining order and we only have to notice their craziness via the newspaper. This is exactly the case with Sheriff Apaio in Maricopa County. That man is a lunatic. His latest desperate bid for attention had him dredging up that birth certificate business with Barack again. Sigh. He and some fool from his “Cold Case Posse” (! – how wild west, right?) are being careful not to implicate the actual president at least not until, “we find out who may have committed these alleged crimes.” You know, it’s never dull around here with him and our nutso governor.
- Stupid people. So this guy Eric King shoved a 19″ flat screen down his pants and attempted to steal it. Additionally, he had a remote control, power cords, a bottle of brake fluid and two Xanax stuffed in there. We’ll bet you’re anticipating that we think Mr. King is the stupid person, aren’t you? Nope. The stupid person here is the jackass security guard who didn’t notice anything was amiss until Mr. King dropped a box of candy. How strangely must our perpetrator have been walking to successfully keep that much stuff down his pants? We imagine it was a pretty strange walk indeed. Waddle waddle waddle. Shrug.
