I just got the new cover for my December 15th release of Finish What We Started from Carina Press.

It’s available for pre-order now. You should go get yourself a copy. If you liked Mark and Holly, then you’ll love following up with his brother Lee.

Five years ago, Lee Bennett’s whirlwind romance with Candace Claesson ended as abruptly as it had begun, and just when he needed her the most. Since then, Lee’s built a successful construction company and a satisfying, if solitary, life. When he’s hired to build Candace’s new veterinary clinic, Lee finds her as irresistible as ever—but he’s never forgiven her and he’s sure as hell not letting her break his heart again.

For years, Candace has wrestled with regret and guilt over leaving Lee. At the time, nothing was going to stop her from achieving her dreams of studying in Scotland and becoming a vet—not even young love. They’d been inseparable for six months, but anything that intense couldn’t last. Or so she thought.

Reunited in their hometown, neither Lee nor Candace can resist picking up where they left off. But with so much from the past standing between them, how they can rebuild what they started so long ago?

These are so cute–and true. At least where our cats are concerned.

We watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s today at Bank of No Forks. The Sisters adore that movie. Holly Golightly was so charming. And lovely. In fact, we need several of her dresses, hats, and especially that pearl necklace she’s wearing in the opening sequence. Also, we appreciate the fact that she always collected $50 from her dates to take with her to the powder room. That’s genius and we wish we’d thought of it back when we were single and dating. If you haven’t seen that movie in a while, you should revisit it. You’ll be happily humming (or singing if your Amylynn) the

Kenneth Lacovara with the right tibia of dreadnoughtus schrani Kenneth Lacovara Photograph: Kenneth Lacovara

lyrics to Moon River all day because that song is beautiful. And Holly has a cat named Cat who looks like Jojo Kitty. Fabulous. Here are some other charming things this week.

1. Things that are fatter than us. Researchers have been in the news lately because of a new dinosaur skeleton. It’s called Dreadnoughtus Schrani – meaning “fearing nothing”. Awesome name, right? It’s the biggest animal they’ve ever found where they can actually determine it’s weight. They’re saying 60 tons. That’s 120,000 pounds. We did the math for you so you wouldn’t have to. That’s how we are. All about the math. We’ll also share a dessert with you, cause we’re super nice that way. Back to the dinosaur and it’s massiveness. It was bigger than a 747 jumbo jet. Seriously. We would not be willing to share a dessert with this guy, cause we suspect he’d be a hog. Also, the poop. We don’t mean to be gauche, but when you talk about an animal bigger than a passenger jet, you need to be concerned about the poop. It would be the size of a freakin’ condo. Just sayin’.

2. Joan Rivers. This lady was funny. Often you cringed at her zingers, but you also had to admit they were funny and you were probably thinking them yourself but were too polite to say it out loud (Yes, there are things we’re too polite to say out loud so just stop it right now). Like this one: “I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing” about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s kid. OK that’s an awful thing to say, and totally hysterical. We don’t know how the red carpet will ever be the same without her or Fashion Police, that can’t go on without her.

3. Lunch with friends. We love to meet with friends and gab and gab and gab. We met with a writer friend of ours today, Pumpkin, who we just never see enough of, and had a jolly good time. We didn’t even drive the waitress too crazy –probably because our attention was focused on Pumpkin and not on torturing the help. We debated ordering dessert to share and ultimately decided it was the way to go since otherwise we’d just get back to the office and regret it. So pecan blondies for everyone. Just let us know if you want to meet for lunch. We know where all the best places are.

4. Abso-freaking-lutely ridiculous titles. The Bank of No Forks is famous for its corporate-speak. It’s all gobbledygook and bullshit designed to make you feel connected. Mostly it makes us feel annoyed. Our boss’s boss’s boss just recently moved to a different department and got himself a whole new job title. The acronym is MRA (we’re also super big on acronyms). What is an MRA? you ask. That’s what we wanted to know. We’d seen it before and never figured it out. It means–we shit you not–Matters Requiring Attention. Yes, that’s a real job title for a real person. We can’t make up crap this stupid. It takes a corporation to do it.  We’re ordering business cards.

5. 16 Year Old Driving Boys. The boy who lives at Ava’s house is still (STILL) learning how to drive.  All of you know Ava hates to drive.  Hates it.  She’s not good at it and pays no attention whatsoever while doing it.  It’s really just best if she doesn’t do it at all.  Generally, she’ll let anyone drive her around, anyone.  Even strangers.  But even she has to give pause every morning when she has to decide if she’s going to let the boy drive to school.  It’s not that he’s unsafe or especially bad at it, but he’s not good at it.  Amy taught him how to parallel park so there’s that in the plus column.  Ava can’t parallel park so ultimately she just let’s him drive and hopes for the best.  So, if you’re in the desert and you see a car driving backwards, repeatedly parallel parking down the street – save yourself and stay out-of-the-way.

You’ve all heard this rant before. This is not a new argument. Still, I’m gonna have to do it. I hadn’t really had this problem until recently. Sassy is in the 6th grade and sometimes she asks me for assistance with her math homework.

I couldn’t be worse prepared.

The real issue is the way math is taught today. I have no idea what these bullshit methods are, but I have a hell of a time figuring them out.

You know what the real problem is? They make the kids show their work. This has been the case since the ancient Greeks figured out math. I’m certain Pythagoras assigned homework on marble slabs.

“Yes, I see you got the answer but where is your work?”

Now the teachers have all these wacky solutions to figuring math that is way more fucking complicated than

12

x12

144

Now they make them do all kinds of funky shit that I can’t figure out when the old way is so damn easy.

This seriously makes me feel like a moron. I read the instructions. I try to follow the examples. This is what I get.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

I saw this when a friend of ours posted it. This kills me. Clearly he doesn’t like celery. Ava would wholeheartedly agree. She will not eat celery either.

The King of all Blues

My Honey bought us tickets to see Peter Frampton’s Guitar Circus for my birthday. The main reason I wanted to go was because BB King and Buddy Guy were on the bill. Also, Robert Randolph whom we’d never seen before. We love blues. Love love love. One of our best dates was seeing Buddy Guy in a bar early in our relationship. I even pushed my way to the front of the stage and got his autograph for My Honey. It was a really outstanding show.

One of my few regrets in life–of which there haven’t been many–was that we had the opportunity to see John Lee Hooker in Los Angeles and didn’t take it. All we’d have had to do was stay one more night. One more night. We didn’t do it and the man died within the year. Major opportunity lost.

ANYWAY–back to the concert. Ava and Ed were coming with us, but Ed got sick so The Girl Who Lives At Their House came instead.

First, let me just say, it was hotter than HELL in the outdoor amphitheater. It was still 92 degrees before we packed ourselves in with the hundreds of other bodies. It was all good, though, when Buddy Guy came out. He was awesome as always. He worked his way through the crowd, playing his guitar up and down the aisles. As Ava said, he labored

The 4th song

for labor day. We also decided he seemed like a great deal of fun to party with. See below the plan for BB King and insert Mr. Guy as a substitution.

We adore BB King. Just let that be clear. We’ve seen him five or six times, but sadly this will be our last. He’ll be 89 years old this month and that’s a hell of a thing. Sadly, though, he seems so diminished and I’d rather remember him from his earlier shows than this one. Still, Ava and I would have been happy to kidnap him. TGWLAHH was appalled that we’d even suggest such a thing. We told her that the first time you get arrested it really should be with your mother and her sister. Once Mr. King realized we were just taking him out for pancakes and fun conversation, we’re certain he’d enjoy himself. He seems like a fun guy.

The 5th Song – because really

The bulk of the crowd seemed to be in attendance for Peter Frampton. He has a bit of a reputation for being an ass when people take pictures at his show. A disembodied voice announced before he came on that pictures would only be allowed during the first three songs. Well, you’ve probably known us well enough to know that we don’t like being bossed around AND we’re not good with following asinine instructions. We waited patiently through songs one, two, and three and then took 75 pictures during song number four – cause F you, ya know what I mean?

Then Pete declares we are his friends and family. Apparently at family dinners his friends and family can only take pictures with him until the potatoes are served.

Nevertheless, the blues was good. The people watching was MOST EXCELLENT. Our company was the best. We had a good time eating $38 dollars worth of dessert at the buffet and we didn’t die from the heat.

We’re not laboring today – unless you count laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and grocery shopping.

We’re NOT writing a blog.

However tomorrow, we’ve got a great recap of us causing mischief at a blues concert.

August comes to a close. That means the end of the Amylynn Birthday Month Celebration. Really, that’s alright. By the end of the month everyone is tired of hearing about it anyway.  It’s all good because Christmas is around the corner. Can you believe that? Christmas?! Where does the time go? We’re pretty sure that Bank of No Forks has been putting something in the water to keep us sedated. Or it’s the asbestos. Is that a side effect of asbestos? Conditioning you to think time is passing too fast? Now we’re

Teddy!

all suspicious. This is alarming. Thank God there’s a long weekend for us to get our senses back.

1. Ain’t no mountain high enough. An angel was driving down a long stretch of highway and stopped because he thought he saw a dead dog on the side. But NO! It was a baby bear! He rescued the little dude because he couldn’t find his momma. He called every single rescue company in his area and they were all too full. He ended up driving pretty far to get him to a safe home. It turns out the little dude had a broken leg but was otherwise healthy. We’re very impressed at his dedication. You know if that was us, we’d have jumped up and down on the highway because now we owned a baby bear. A bear with a limp. Whom we would name Ted and call him Theodore when he gets in trouble.

2. No Gnomes Known. We can’t explain why they use garden gnomes but the Socialist Party placed about 400 gnomes about 3 yards off the ground on lamp posts in Vienna.  Unfortunately for them, they were stolen.  Blame has been placed on the People’s Party who deny all involvement.  We don’t really care about the theft beyond wondering what the criminals are planning on doing with those gnomes.  Will they replace them all over Vienna?  Will all 400 be placed together like the terra cotta warriors?  Terra cotta is used to make flower pots, right?  So garden gnomes are almost exactly like, but different than, the terra cotta warriors, right?

3. Am I Blue?   A father daughter duo in Maine caught a super rare blue lobster.  We don’t normally think of lobsters as cute but this one looks like a Webkins.  You,ve all heard a one carat diamond is one in a million but it seems blue lobsters are one in two million!  We smell a new engagement trend.

4. Thank Zeus it’s not carbonated. So you know there was that earthquake in the San Francisco area. Actually, it seems that it was more centered in the Napa Valley area. This is troublesome because the wine was jiggled about. Look at this picture! Look at it! Oh the humanity! We’re putting together a very specialized disaster aid group. We’re looking for donations of drinking straws and crackers. Don’t worry, Napa, we’re coming!

5. The Office. We’ve been watching The Office while we wait for more Dexters to come from Netflix. Some of the girls did not know of the glories of Michael and Dwight Shrute. They didn’t know they needed to be rooting for Jim. The episode where Michael burns his foot on his George Foreman Grill and Dwight races over to get him, crashing his car into a pole and giving himself a concussion is one of the funniest episodes ever. We laughed until we couldn’t breath anymore. Also–best theme song ever. Except for Rockford Files. That’s the best theme song, but The Office music is pretty good.

The Sisters have a recurring nightmare. It involves weight gain, vomiting and sleeplessness. Every time we hear about someone getting knocked up–especially a woman older than say 35–we look to the heavens and thank Zeus and Odin and Mother Earth that it isn’t us. We can’t think of anything worse than being pregnant.

Holy mother of pearl!

And then we found our hero.

In the form of a giant  panda. How unbelievably perfect is that?

Ai Hin is a 6-year-old giant panda living in Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in China. She has been faking a pregnancy in order to get better food, an air-conditioned suite, and round-the-clock care. She’s been stuffing her face with fresh bamboo, buns and fruit. We don’t think she’s experienced even one second of guilt about it either. Can you blame her?

This bear is a genius. A GENIUS, we say.

Yesterday was National Dog Day. It really pissed me off that I missed it. I don’t know how that happened.

To make up for it, I will give you a picture of Roscoe P. Coltrane with the blues.

Maybe he’s down because his food bowl is empty.

Or perhaps it’s because he’s outside while the damn cat is inside.

Or because I won’t let him eat out of the garbage or drink from the toilet.

Who knows that this hound dog’s problem is. He is full of woe.

I’ll give him tons of smooches and he’ll still look like this.

Honestly, I should quit worrying about him–at least he’s not howling.