You may have noticed we love Pinterest. Follow the link on the right to my boards if you have no idea what Pinterest is.

If you dont’ know what Pinterest is, you should really go check it out. But first, I want to say good-bye. I’ll miss you. When you come back up for air, let us know. Really Pinterest is a bigger time suck than Facebook and Twitter combined.

But, it’s fun.

Also, for a writing tool, it’s great. I’ve started using different boards for different stories. I am very visual and I’ve always cut out pictures and saved electronic pics of my characters, what they wear, where they live. Basically, things that speak to me about my current work in progress.

With Pinterest, you can see them too. It’s like you can stand at my desk and look at my bulletin board collages.

My current WIP is a contemporary that my agent asked me to write. It’s my first full length contemporary and I’m really having fun with it.

I’m researching food and motorcycles and vintage clothing instead of when were stamps invented and what is the proper address of the cousin of a wife of a count in English peerage.

Pop over to my Pinterest Board. Craving is the board for this WIP. I’m adding to it constantly so check back in. Also, there’s a very small board for Lady Belling’s Secret – the first of my series which will be out sometime before Christmas.  That board is small because I’ll need to migrate all the pictures from other places and rebuild the board.

The biggest board is my Fun Stuff and it’s really quite a disturbing look inside my sense of humor. Maybe you shouldn’t linger too long over there or you’ll start looking at me differently.

Stay tuned for more stories from me. And while you wait, you can tunnel around inside my characters.

I busted a tail light on my car this morning. I’d like to say I finally said, screw it, and slammed into a tailgater in traffic.

No. Nothing that exciting. Instead, I smashed into our enormous garbage can when I was backing out of the driveway to take the kids to school. It was totally my fault. I admit it. However, I’ll totally be blaming My Honey just like every woman would. After all, he’s the one who took the garbage out to the street and put the can in that precise spot.

Getting out of the house every morning is complicated. I knew the damn can was back there but when I backed up I didn’t see it in the mirror.

BANG!

Oh, son of a b*****! I jumped out of the car and the damn can was laying in the street. These freaking cans are heavy. Really heavy. Like 650 pounds. I had to practically climb under the nasty thing to get enough leverage to push it back upright and up on the curb. Then there was garbage all over the street to get back into the can.

Even when I’d scavenged as much stuff as I was going to pick up there were still approximately 957 used Q-Tips scattered in the street in front of my house. Who the hell uses this many Q-Tips? Drop everything right now and move your 401K to Johnson and Johnson stock.

Do you know how much the Dodge dealer wants to charge for a new tail light? $168.00.

Sweet Zeus in Olympus.

Stupid $*&@# garbage can.

When’s the last time you blamed someone else for your own stupidity? Or wrecked your car?

My Pop came and spent the weekend. He’s always fun to have around and the kids dig him. As you may recall, he had a stroke a couple of years ago and it left him very changed, though he’s just as goofy as he always was.

You want an example of goofy?

We had to run a couple of quick errands on Sunday and he didn’t want to go out in the heat, so he stayed at the house with the dogs. I called him after a bit to see if he needed anything from the store before we came home.

“Hi,” I said into the phone. “It’s me.”

“Hello,” he said into the phone.

“You want anything from the store?”

“Hello,” he repeated.

“Hi. Can you hear me?”

“Hello,” he said for the third time. “Are you there?”

“HI,” I yelled this time. “Can you hear me?”

“I can’t hear you,” he informed me needlessly.

“Hel-lo” I said it this time like the Queen of England because he can’t hear me so why the hell not?

“Oh, wait.” Shuffle shuffle shuffle. “I had the phone upside down.”

I love these phone conversations. The really hysterical thing is though, this conversation could have just as easily happened twenty years ago.

So on his way home, he asked me to stop at Walgreens. He’d had some complications from prostrate cancer from several years ago and recently underwent another surgery. Everything is good now, but he uses catheters and he needed some lubricant. Walgreens and the accompanying pharmacist seemed like just what we needed.

We wandered to the back of the store to the very back where they hide the pharmacy – always in the waaaaaay back. The pharmacist on duty was a teeny tiny little old lady with big spectacles. My father is loud. He’s always been loud.

He announced to the lady what he was looking for only he had no name of any product. She looked to me for help but I was less than useless and shook my head. My father rambled on and I quickly assessed that the two of them weren’t getting anywhere.

I got my brother on the phone. “Hey, what’s the name of the lubricant Pop uses for the catheters?……oh……thanks.” I turned and grabbed my father by the arm. “Come on. I know what we need.”

I got what he needed off the shelf, on sale I might add, and led him to the front of the store. The freaking line was enormous don’t you know. Still, we waited and waited and waited.

Finally it was our turn and my 74-year-old father plopped his bottle of KY Jelly and a Snickers bar right on the counter.

 Come on, I believe we all have a story like this. If that’s not true and I’m the only one with these stories, I don’t know if I can go on. Tell me yours. Did your kid embarass you or are the the one embarassing your children. Of course, his was totally unintentional and that’s what makes it so much funnier. Tell me your clueless story.

We’re bored and this Friday at work is like twelve hours long. Seriously, it’s like we entered a time warp or something. Kelli is so happy with her new job; we almost can’t listen to her anymore. Ava’s husband has also applied over there. Swear to Zeus, if he gets the job and starts spouting off all that happy unicorn and rainbow shit, we’re killing them both.  Another friend just got back from her three week honeymoon in Switzerland  and now we can barely talk to her, either. We’re seriously starting to run out of friends. Are we bitter? YES, we’re bitter. You would be too if you spent thirty-seven hours a day at Bank of No Forks with no pancakes or lovely Swiss people. It’s a good thing we have these five things to carry us through.

1. 1. To-go cups. When it’s 200 degrees outside and you’re not even sure you’re going to make it across the parking lot to your destination without spontaneously combusting, it’s nice to have a to go cup sweating rivulets down the outside. We especially love restaurants that offer this option without us having to look pitifully at them and act thirsty. In some places, you can even get a to-go cup in a bar. Now that’s too much for our state to permit – being we have those lax gun laws here. Fortunately, we’re quite content with our iced tea, thank you very much.  

2.     Thunder/Lightning. We’ve had some really excellent storms this monsoon. We love the rain – all desert dwellers are obsessed with rain, well water of any kind, actually – but the best part of the storms are the thunder and lightning. We love the loud cracks of thunder when the lightning is so close you can almost smell the ozone burning in the air and your arm hairs stand up. But we especially love the thunder that starts far away and rolls and rolls across the sky. The kind of thunder that happens when you can count to almost twenty

Oh yea! This is an epic turban

after the lightning strike before you hear it start up. There is nothing more relaxing than laying in bed in the darkness hearing the rain pound the earth in a steady staccato and the thunder bounce off the mountains all around you. Bliss.

3.     Sikh turbans. The Sikh’s are in the news quite a bit lately. Unfortunately, none of it good. But, since they’re prominent right now, it’s given us an opportunity to familiarize ourselves with the religion. Up to now, we were regrettably ignorant on Sikhism in general and understood a bunch of misinformation. The Sisters are fascinated by religions – especially the more obscure and ritualized ones. You can recognize the Sikhs by the turbans they wear. We also understand they get to carry ceremonial daggers, but the real bonus is the turbans. They can be all kinds of colors, not just boring ole white, and some of these people are really rocking the turban. In fact, if we convert, we’re getting out our Bedazzler and going to town.

4.     Scrabble Cheating Part 2. We’ve written about Scrabble cheaters before. Apparently this guy didn’t learn anything from the misfortune of the previous guy. The Sisters have mixed feelings about Scrabble. On one hand, we like the idea of Scrabble but Amylynn really hates losing and she does that a lot in Scrabble. Ava cheats. Also she’s mean when she plays. The cheating incident last October was funnier than this most recent one because it was really over the top. This story was a bit sad, however, Amylynn has read all about it, not as a news story, but as a primer for cheating. Really, she needs all the help she can get.

5.     Reincarnation. Again with the religion this week. We don’t know how the Sikhs feel about reincarnation but if it happens, this is what we want to come back as.

More hysterical brilliance from Birdboxstudios.

I was sitting in the living room late last night watching the series finale of  The Closer and feeling all emotional and stuff. My cursor on my laptop blinked, patiently. I had paused my show at least twice to put The Bandit back to bed. It was 10:45 – much too late for the boy to be wandering around the house in his Lego Star Wars underpants. Nevertheless, he was gripped by some version of seven-year old insomnia and the unswerving desire to play forbidden video games in his bed. What happened to the good old days when kids read comic books under the covers with a flashlight? Don’t worry, I catch him doing that all the time, too.

This time I heard odd noises in the kitchen, splashing, which, admittedly, seemed weird. I rolled my eyes and wondered what the hell he was doing in there now, being so loud. Usually the boy is quite stealthy. I paused the show – again – and snuck on tiptoes across the livingroom. I pressed my back against the wall like a cop in some dramatic television show. Not unlike The Closer which I just wanted to watch the finale of in peace. I craned my neck around the corner and did not see the boy.

The tableau laid out in front of me was odd, to say the least.

Jojo Kitten had all four feet in the large bowl of dog/cat water and was, for lack of a better description, dancing in it. Leaping and stomping, the stupid cat splashed water out of the bowl in a two foot radius. The rug under the bowl was soaked, the kitten dripped from head to toe.

Winnie the Wonder Mutt stood just to the side, watching with her head tilted like the RCA dog. She didn’t bark or even move, just stood there staring at the kitten in what appeared to be doggy wonder.

I swear Roscoe shook his head as if to say, “You’re on your own, dude” and wandered away.

All while I watched from around the corner.

Jojo must have decided that he’d accomplished his task and bounced out of the water and after Roscoe.

Just as the kitten disappeared around the corner to the office, Geddy, our old tom, wandered into the kitchen from the other direction, probably in hopes of having a nice sip of clean, uncontaminated water. He paid me absolutely no mind when he passed me, which is quite typical unless he wants you to hoist him up to his food or scratch behind his ears. Or if your reading the newspaper then he feels compelled to sit on it.

Winnie had approached the mostly empty bowl to inspect the destruction, thus she was standing there red-pawed as the case may be, when Geddy came around the corner. I watched with amusement as Geddy unwittingly put his giant, orange foot right in an enormous puddle of water. Honest to Zeus, the horror on his face when he snatched his foot back and stared at it’s now dampened state was priceless.

Then he glared at Winnie. He glared at her with such vehemence, for a moment I was a little concerned for her. “What the f**k is this?” was written all over his expression.

Winnie backed up, pleading her case. I heard the silent communication. She very clearly told Geddy it was the little orange bastard, and it’s only because Jojo drives Geddy completely insane that Winnie managed to get out alive.

I don’t know if Jojo’s plan all along had been to frame Winnie for this crime, or if it was just a happy accident, but I think that little kitten is a mastermind of epic proportions.

Do you have one pet that gets the others in trouble? Do you honestly think they do it on purpose? We totally do, by the way. Our pets are just as conniving as our children. This time only, we’re giving a free pass on tattleing. Come on, dish.

I do not know what the deal is with my Idiot Dog. There is not a loaf of bread safe in a five block radius with him around.

Today when we were at the grocery store, My Honey picked out beautiful loaves of bread. He gently squeezed each one, smelled them for freshness and selected only the choicest loaves, rolls and hoagies.

He laid them in the cart with reverence. A reverence that I thought was pointless since we probably won’t get to eat any of those glorious bakery specimens. You wouldn’t believe how much yeasty goodness is missed out on because of that dog.

visualize a bloodhound instead of a bear

Honest to goodness, we tuck it safely up in a bed box, four and a half feet high in the pantry. We stash it in the closed microwave. We freeze it in the chest freezer in the laundry room. It never seems to matter. I can’t tell you the last time we successfully ate french rolls. I just don’t think that his super nose can ignore the siren song of bread, any bread, all bread.

No, by some miracle, we’ll find the empty bag, rolls completely gone except a few random sesame seeds. Roscoe is like the Houdini of bread thievery.

I think we’re going to have to put up a bear bag strung between the sink and the light fixture.

We lived through Amylynn’s actual birthday, but the weeks long Mardi Gras still rages on. Honestly, you’ve never seen anyone pimp for presents like Amylynn. It’s just this side of revolting (it’s the other side of revolting – Ava). Still, she might have something here since she does get gobs of nice stuff. Even without that nonsense going on, the Sisters are feeling overwhelmed with all the projects they have going on – new jobs, new manuscripts, new editors, a whole new vocabulary to get used to. We know we’re being cagey here, but all things will come to light eventually. Until then, tide yourself over with these five things.

1. 1. Mars. We love the color red so it really only figures that we’d love Mars. The only thing we haven’t reconciled yet is that is supposedly where men come from and that may keep us away. We can only imagine that when Curiosity does find evidence of life on Mars, it will be in the form of old pizza boxes and dirty, mismatched socks. All kidding aside, we are fascinated with the Curiosity landing and the pictures it sends back. Also with the adorable science nerds like Bobak Ferdowsi, the guy with the red and blue Mohawk and yellow stars in his hair. In the spirit of full disclosure, we’ll admit that we do love us some science guys, especially one this excited.

2.     British news reporters.  We have not been quiet about the fact that newspaper reporters often leave us with more questions than answers after reading their reports. When we read the about the following story from England, we just knew that we wouldn’t have that same trouble with the British Picayune. Note to self: A microwave is for leftovers, not your boxers. British firefighters say they saved an apartment from destruction after its domestically challenged resident tried to dry his wet socks and underwear in a microwave oven. (blah blah uninteresting stuff) The fire destroyed the appliance along with the two pairs of underwear and socks inside it. You see what they did there? The reporter told you right away that the socks and underwear were destroyed. We assure you an American reporter would have left that vital information out and you’d have been left hanging, desperate with wonder.

3.     Olympics. They’re finally winding down. We’ve watched at hell of a lot of the games and we’ve come away with a few favorites. Amylynn is quite fond and amused by Usain Bolt the fastest man in the world. He gets some grief because of his ego and that pose he strikes when he wins. Amylynn thinks that if you’re the fastest man alive two Olympics in a row – a feat never before mastered – you are allowed an enormous ego. Ava likes Nathan Adrian, you can keep your overrated Michael Phelps’ and Ryan Lochtes, she’s willing to don her best swim burka and get in the pool to catch his eye.

4. Pants. We’ve always said we believe in pants, and we still fervently hold that opinion. By and large, pants are good. They cover your butt. They keep out the cold. They protect your tushie from permanent scarring on leather car seats in the summer. We’ll say it again. Pants are good. EXCEPT these pants. Where the hell is this man’s wife? Who lets someone go out like this? Zeus on a stick! Now we’re also the first to admit we know less than zero about golf. That’s because it’s boring and there isn’t a cupcakery on the 9^th green. We do know that there is some level of tradition about the goofy golf pants, but there’s still no cause for this. Sheez, there ought to be a law. If we ever meet his wife, we’re giving her a stern talking to. Unless she was punishing him for something like buying her a scale for her birthday. Then we say Brava – teach that man a lesson!

5. Breakfast food for lunch/dinner. We had omelets for lunch today.  They were yummy.  In fact, you should have one yourself for dinner tonight.  Go ahead, you know you want to – omelets for everyone!

I’ve long had a fantasy that I have magic powers, like Jeanie from I dream of Jeannie or Samantha on Bewitched. I imagine that, with a twitch of my nose or a quick nod of my head, I can make things happen. Magic things. Exciting things. I’d keep this talent quiet otherwise people would pester me to death and already people annoy the shit out of me.

I remembered this particular fantasy while in traffic this week.

Imagine how awesome it could be to dish out instant Karma?

Ooops! It appears the tailgater behind me has spilled their coffee. Look! The jackass on the cell phone ….. The Bitch who just cut me off…

No wait, it turns out I’m not mature enough to have super powers.  

Damn.

If you could do magic, what would you do with it? Do you want to be a genie or a witch? Or are you more of a conjurer? What’s the first thing you’d do? Would it be revenge motivated or for the good of the world? Revenge is certainly more interesting.