I like to complain.  A lot.  I’m generally a glass-is-half-full kind of person about the things that matter, but I do like a good topic to complain about.

One of my favorite all time topics is the weather.  This sums it up nicely from the brilliant people at shoebox.com

click to enlarge

I complain when it rains.  I complain when it doesn’t.  I complain when it’s cold and when it’s hot and when it’s 72 degrees there’s bound to be something I don’t like about it: a breeze, no breeze, no clouds. 

You get the picture.

Anyway, I dedicate this cartoon to famous cover model, Kurt.  Because he thinks my complaining is funny.

I just submitted The Sea Rose, revamped and extended, to the publisher that bought Out of Heaven. 

When Roselyn’s ship goes down in a terrible storm she’s sure she’ll never see her fiance again.  When she regains consciousness she finds herself on the pirate ship Neptune’s Revenge and in the bed of famous pirate Handsome Jack.  By the time they arrive in the pirate capital of Nassau, will her minister fiance still want her?  Will Jack even let her go?

I’ll keep you posted on the submission.

ALSO – I just finished the video trailer for Out of Heaven and it totally rocks if I do say so myself.  I’ll get it posted on this site, and on my official writer’s website, amylynnbright.com.

This week I had to attend my first parent teacher conference regarding a behaviour issue.  It was me and four other mommies and our seven year old daughters.  I know what you’re thinking – and no it wasn’t about The Bandit.  I am just as surprised as you are, believe me.

Sassy was included in the group because she’s a people pleaser, wanting nothing more than to have everyone like her and be everyone’s friend.  Pretty typical behaviour for a seven year old girl, I should think.  Her teacher describes her as “meek” but I abhor that word.  Sassy simply won’t stand up for herself.  It makes me wonder if we actually share DNA.

This particular behaviour issue surrounds one particular girl in Sassy’s class who is down right Machiavellian.  We are dealing with stuff that I expected to have to deal with when Sassy was older – say eleven or twelve.   We’ve had countless conversations over the last several month on how real friends act and treat each other.  I hold Kelli and Ava up as examples of what a good friendship looks like.  But it’s really hard to get that idea across to a seven year old who’s just afraid…..of the rotten bully who mistreats them all.

Anyway, hopefully the issue has been dealt with and I won’t have to go back there with my Mama Bear suit on and kick some seven year old ass.  However, if things go badly and I have to meet another mom in the parking lot after school, don’t let it be said that I didn’t go the polite, hippy, touchy-feely way first. 

You know how I know that Ava and Kelli are my true, good friends?  Because I have no doubt whatsoever that the very first weekend I am allowed visitors at my new home on the cell block, there will be a file in a cupcake and a waiting getaway car.

There has never been any attempt to disguise the Sister’s love for dessert.  Or more specifically, cupcakes – red velvet cupcakes if we have our choice.

Perhaps CNN reads our blog.  Or maybe they just started paying attention but note this story:

(CNN) — Can we please stop calling the nation’s love affair with cupcakes a trend?

You can follow the link to the rest of the story.

 I’m meeting the sisters for lunch today.

I think I’ll stop off and pick up some dessert.

Just a couple of days ago I told you that the boy has started practicing his rodeo skills.  This takes place in the living room with a giant stuffed Eeyore standing in for the bull.  He’s created a makeshift shoot and he and Eeyore come barrelling out of the “shoot” and buck around the room.  Everything in the house is at risk from his antics. 

My dear friend suggested for his birthday we get him a real rope and a roping dummy to practice with like the real cowboys do.  That idea was appealing in its infancy.  I think The Bandit would really enjoy learning to lasso and stuff.

And then I began to contemplate things further. 

What good can possibly come from a mischievous Bandit, Roscoe the Idiot Dog, his unsuspecting sister and a rope?

I’m seriously contemplating the idea if for no other reason than the excellent blog posting potential.   How bad of a mother does that make me?

You all know how much The Bandit wants to be a cowboy.  I’ve told you of his love for horses, and I believe I even told you how much he enjoyed the rodeo when his father took him this year.  He decided at that point that he wanted to be a bull rider more than anything else he could even imagine.  His father and I hear about this desperate desire all the time.

Well, that and his all consuming wish for a puppy for his birthday.

Not likely.

Anyway, my family watched a rodeo on television the other night.  This whipped The Bandit into a cowboy frenzy.  He spent the entire evening wearing his cowboy pajamas (he has at least three pair), his black boots and his hat.  He put a sock over his left hand mimicking the glove the bull riders wear.  He hauled out a giant stuffed Eeyore and wrapped a lasso around its head and “rode” it around the living room. 

He waves his hat in a very dashing manner after he goes his eight seconds.

Today, daddy took Sassy and The Bandit to the air show at our Air Force base.  They toured the planes and talked to the pilots and had a very good time.

Bandit has reformed his career path.  He now plans to be a “bull riding cowboy that flies jets in the air”.

I can’t possibly figure out why a nice safe accountant’s job is so unappealing to him.

We went out to dinner last night.  Sassy ordered macaroni & cheese.  I almost fell out of my car in surprise.  Not.  The child is going to die from an over dose of chicken nuggets and mac & cheese.

So her dinner arrives…..and she won’t eat it. 

“It doesn’t look good,” she says.

“What do you mean, it doesn’t look good.  It looks yummy.  It looks exactly like every mac & cheese in the world,” I tell her.

“I didn’t know there’d be cheese on it,” she tells me with absolutely no sense of irony what so ever.

“What?  It’s right there in the title, Sassy.  Mac & CHEESE.”

“Yeah, well, I thought it would be plain.”

Deep aggravated sigh.

Ava was unbelievably delighted when I told her that a customer spent our entire time together hitting on me.  In front of his wife no less. 

This sort of thing absolutely makes Ava’s day.  I don’t know why she gets such glee from seeing me squirm, but she does.  Had she been there today she would have watched avidly, eyes gleaming and then spent the rest of the day torturing me.  I’m sure that some of her pleasure was diminished by the fact that she could only tease me via text.

This man decided that I had “Angelina Jolie lips” and he became fixated by this discovery.  He even went so far as to make me turn around and show his wife so she could agree with his assessment. 

It was a very strange day at work all the way around.  One of my coworkers received a very strange call from a woman that had us all shaking our heads in disbelief.  Because we’re all in sales, we put our cell phone numbers on our business cards.  A woman called to verify that her husband had indeed been in our office seeking information about our product and not “picking up digits”.  The crux of the phone conversation centered around whether or not my coworker was having an affair with her husband because he was in possession of her cell phone number.

Very odd indeed.

Bleary eyed and saggy tail, but I’m here.  I just realized I didn’t post yesterday.  Hell, I’m happy I had the appropriate clothes on when I went to work.  I’m a little behind with everything…..I need a new article for the examiner.com site, I need to finish up round two of edits, the laundry is piling up, I need a shower, and I could sleep for a month.

None of the Sisters want to go to work anymore so we’ve formulated a plan.  It’s a simple plan, really.  One of us needs to win the lottery – a big lottery, and then we can put the plan in motion. 

You’ve probably read or heard that Greece is in all kinds of financial trouble.  They’ve been begging for help from other countries, but it’s not looking good.  With our lottery winnings, the Sisters are going to buy Greece.  I don’t think we even need to change the name Greece to Quills or anything like that.  I like the name it has now – people know what to expect from “Greece”.

But here’s the thing.  Anyone or anything that annoys us will be kicked off.  Seriously, I know that I’m not putting up with any crap from anyone when I own the freaking country and I feel fairly confident that my sisters will agree.  There will be no loud talking, no waiters that can’t remember what you ordered three minutes after taking the order, and stupid drivers will be ostracized without a second thought.  In fact, there may not be any other driver’s allowed unless they receive special dispensation from the Quills committee – which will only meet to discuss grievances once a quarter and only for thirty minutes, so you better distill your complaint down to twenty seconds or less.

I know that our Constitution will be long and convoluted, but you can be assured that there will be lots of national holidays (unless it’s an inconvience to us).

I bet you can guess what the National Food will be.

This was a banner, red letter weekend for the Quills.  The Tucson Festival of Books was a rousing success and we had the time of our lives.  One of the biggest thrills of our lives was chauffeuring Julia Quinn and Rachel Gibson around town.  Julia even bought us all coffee with her Starbucks Gold Card!  And she offered us some good writer advice, some of which you’ll note Kelli has already taken to heart.  She took our information and offered to stay in touch and then……..hold on to your panties, ladies……she gave us hugs.  SERIOUSLY – I didn’t have to paw at her or anything, she held out her arms to embrace me and I willingly stepped in.  I would have never have attempted it with out her initiating it.  I was afraid it would come off too stalkery.  I left Julia Quinn at her hotel with her boob prints on my Quill Sisters shirt! 

I joke – but really, it was one of the best days ever.  Kelli, Ava and I got to spend the day together, doing writery stuff, hobnobbing with the elite in our field – it was a totally Quill-centric day.

Sunday was a little less hectic and star studded, but we did get to meet Jennier Ashley, the author of one of our favorites, The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie.  She was also free with advice and very helpful to those of us starting out.

One interesting thing happened today that was outside of the expected.  It is because it was odd that I bring it up. 

Ava was groped by Darth Vadar this morning.

Seriously, after we took the first photo the Evil Lord refused to let her go, wrapped his arms around her, and insisted on another photo.

Who am I to disagree with Darth Vadar?

OH YEAH! One other little thing happened.  I pitched my completed novel to an agent and she asked for more pages. 

So what’s with the title of this post, you ask?  While Ava and I manned the RWA booth with some other ladies today a gentleman came up and told the us the plot of his book.  It went something like this, and I’m not making it up: President Bush was going across the prairie in covered wagons and it was all Mussolini’s fault because he didn’t take photographs and there were buckets of mashed potatoes.  There were some VERY interesting people out today.

This weekend totally rocked!