Our local Dillards has re-done its shoe department.  They doubled the size and remodeled the area.  Needless to say, but I will, it’s glorious!!!  Nothing the Sisters like more than shoe shopping.(Amylynn here – ummmm, bakeries?) Like most women, we have no qualms over trying on shoes like we do trying on jeans and bathing suits – yuk!

You’d think this story would have a happy ending with lots of shoes on sale being purchased, but noooooo.  Every shoe we asked to try on was not in stock in our size.  At one point, we started to cry which alarmed the sales staff.  After we requested the last pair, the sales girl was gone forever and ever.  We pictured her in the back either eating lunch or being terrified to come out to let us know that AGAIN they did not have our size.  Probably the latter. (Me again – I think she was trying to cobble shoes.)

She came back eventually and claimed that they didn’t have our requested shoes, and she’d looked EVERYWHERE. Based on how long she was gone it’s possible she walked to the next town to check there, too.

We’d love to give this story a happy ending. We don’t have one. Not a one. We didn’t get new shoes. The whole thing is actually quite sad.  Still, you shouldn’t feel too badly for us. We have to admit this blog is really just an excuse to post pictures of some lovely footwear.

I’ll bet you think we sit around at Bank of No Forks and scour the internet for these ridiculous stories. It’s not true. We also read the paper and listen to the radio.

If you change the person in the next story to two women, this could totally be me and Ava.

A man in Italy was arrested this week when the police found  a tiger cub at his house. He claims he “found” it and thought he could resell it for a lot of money. That’s actually where the things differ from how the story would go if we’d been involved. We would NEVER have tried to sell the animal. In fact, we fully expect to die from the wounds we sustain from “finding” a wild animal and trying to love it.

I thought to look at this story as a training manual. Where does one go to “find” a tiger? Are they wandering around Italy and no one made us aware? What other stuff is roaming about that we’d be interested in? There are many reasons I have for wanting to go to Italy, but I honestly never thought tigers would be a part of it. Is it illegal to keep all exotic animals in Italy or just tigers? If there are tigers wandering around waiting to be found then I think you could argue that they’re domestic cats and no longer exotic.

Another question comes to mind. Are there lawyers who practice just this sort of thing – arguing the cases of lunatics like us who want to keep a camel, tiger, porcupine and a small elephant in the city limits. Google doesn’t come back with anything when I search, but maybe I’m using the wrong search criteria. If there are such people, should we keep one on retainer?

Further down you learn that they also arrested him for drug possession with intent to sell. That’s disappointing. Now his whole “found” story becomes suspect.

If you were wondering about what you should get us for Christmas, here is a lovely suggestion.

You can’t go wrong with color or size.

There was a news story in the Picayune this weekend that gave me pause.

First off, did you people know that there is a Cleveland in Tennessee? There is. Did you know that you’re allowed to have zebras in Cleveland, Tennessee? We didn’t either. This seems like the place to live, right? If they’ll let you have a zebra then I’m fairly certain you wouldn’t even have to sneak in a hedgehog or a wee leopard. Probably no one would even notice.

The reason I know about this zebra business is because there was the afore-mentioned news story. Apparently a zebra escaped

Zeek looks a bit rambunctious, doesn’t he?

from his farm by jumping a high fence and has been running free for the last three weeks or so. Several people have called from their homes and businesses to report seeing the animal.

Can you imagine that? You’re looking out your kitchen window, maybe having your first cup of coffee; Perhaps you’re not really alert. And there in the street is a zebra, plain as day. Something similar happened to me with a peacock.

Or you’re getting your hair done. Or at a therapy session. Or standing in line at the bank.

Either way, you know the first call to the police department didn’t go well.

By the way, the zebra’s name is Zeek, which is a great name for a zebra even if his owners don’t know how to spell. In fact, that’s an excellent excuse for us to pop on over to Tennessee and wrangle a zebra. We can ride him home.

It’s Friday the 13th. We’re not afraid. We don’t believe in that superstitious nonsense. We personally LOVE black cats, and we don’t want anything to do with ladders. Still there are legions of people running around all freaked out today. We just shrug. What are we going to do about it anyway? Then the more zen we try to be, that’s when the freakouts start to creep in. Are we being naive? Should we be worried? Oh dear God, maybe everyone knows something we don’t know. Now we’re all upset. Basket cases, even. This whole thing has turned on a dime and now we’re afraid to move. Great. Neuroses are no fun. Well, there was this stuff to amuse us.

1. -135.8 degrees. Did you see this? Antarctica recorded the lowest temperature on Earth at -135.8 degrees since record keeping began. We’re sure during the last ice age there were colder temperatures but we weren’t alive to hear about it so it’s almost like it never happened. We’d like to go on record as stating unequivocably that -135.8 is way too cold and we disapprove. Someone needs to go down there and get the penguins some sweaters and booties. Someone besides us needs to do this. We’re

NOT fancy

willing to do a fundraiser, but we’re not going anywhere near that place if it insists on being that cold. Ridiculous.

2. Wine? Yes. There was a wine heist. How fabulous is that sentence? Like 17-year-old boys, we’re drawn to anything with the word heist in it. Heists are fun. This particular heist involved 2,500 bottles of wine valuing in the neighborhood of $648,000. WHAT? Seriously. A Seattle wine shop was heisted of all their fancy wine. That’s the way the newspaper described it. “Fancy wine.” Obviously it was fancy wine. What the hell wine isn’t fancy for $648,000? How many bottles of Reunite would you need to total that much money? According to Target the answer is 33,174 bottles. We would be considerably drunk if we drank that much wine. So would you. What vehicle would you have to use? A school bus? Jeez, this heist just got really complicated. 

3. Ritz Carlton Hotels. Ava had to go out-of-town for work and she made BofNF pay to put her in the Ritz Carlton. She fell madly in love with the place. They have “afternoon tea with delectable sweets.” Surely you know the appeal of such a thing. In addition there were Christmas trees everywhere and the staff was lovely. When we finally get our apartment away from everything, that’s where we’re doing it. Just like living at the Plaza only it’s the Ritz. That’s a lovely address if you ask us.

From Vanity Fair

4. Robert Evans. He’s the film producer who did Rosemary’s Baby and The Godfather. He’s also the guy who did the Proust Questionnaire in the December issue of Vanity Fair. He’s been married 7 times. Yikes! Still, when asked what quality he most liked in a woman he stated, “Willingness.” We like a person who refuses to give up. Also when asked what his motto is he said, “No price too high does an original bear.” Huh? We have no idea what he’s talking about, but we do like bears.

5. Street Fair. This weekend is the winter Street Fair. That means there will be interesting people wandering about downtown and awesome cart food including Indian fry bread and roasted corn. There will also be magnificently overpriced art to gawk at. Even though they’re not supposed to be there, there’s always cute doggies in the crowd because people can’t follow the rules. We love the street fair. We REALLY love fry bread. With honey. Mmmmmmmm.

You know, you never can trust the internet. Still, I’m going to pass this on to you as I read it because the whole thing seems totally plausible.

Apparently, some homeowners kept coming home finding water all over their pool decking. They thought the neighbors were sneaking over and swimming in their pool so they hooked up a security camera to see what was going on.

This is what they found.

This could so totally happen. If you don’t believe it, you apparently don’t own a dog.

So the Pope is the Time Man of the Year. As far as we’re concerned that is neither here nor there, and we have no opinion if it’s a good or bad thing. The only time we venture into politics or religion is when they’re funny. We have a rather disturbed world view so this is often the case.

We’ll admit that we get a lot of our information from the internet. Sometimes that’s very good because it’s up to the minute, streaming-

This is not the right Pope but it is TOTALLY the right hat. Two please.

as-it-happens kinda thing. Other times it’s not beneficial because the internet is stupid.

Not too long ago we had a brief freak out over some fake, rumoresque nonsense that the Pope was gay and resigning office. There was shrieking and wonderment expressed at a loud volume. Then we immediately popped on the internet to REAL news sites and we learned that it was all a load of hokum. No such thing happened.

So today, when we learned that the Pope was given the honor by Time, we saw a chance to benefit from our gullibility.

We thought it possible we might be receiving a visit from some representative of the Holy See regarding some slanderous talk. Here is our official response:

WE HEREBY PROMISE TO STOP SAYING THAT STUFF IF YOU CAN HOOK US UP WITH A PAIR OF NIFTY POINTED HATS AND SOME RED PRADA SHOES.

Deal?

The time is inching closer and closer to the big day. We’re not very good with waiting. We’d really like to know what you’re getting us.

Just a hint?

How about if we give you some possibilities and you pick the one closest to your delightful gift.

There now, don’t you feel better? Keeping secrets is really hard and we want you to feel better.